The Lotus Effect: Illuminating Paths of Resilience with Kat Polsinelli
Kat Polsinelli, a beacon of transformation in our scarcity laden society, is on a mission to teach others how to embrace the mantra that everything happens for you, not to you. As the visionary behind The Lotus Effect, Kat passionately guides individuals to glean wisdom from their past, transforming it into a compass for a radiant future. Fueled by a personal journey through trauma and abuse, Kat shifted her narrative from victimhood to empowerment. Kat As a resilient coach, speaker, and author, she candidly shares her tumultuous path from teen pregnancy to a decade in an abusive relationship to inspire others to rewrite their stories. If you're joining us live here today, feel free to drop a comment or question in the chat for Kat, and we'll do our best to get them answered.
LINKS
ON THIS EPISODE
[00:01:36] Kat Polsinelli on what she’s most passionate about
[00:02:24] Kat Polsinelli on that become her passion
[00:03:43] Kat Polsinelli on her childhood and becoming a teen mom
[00:07:18] Kat Polsinelli on juggling a baby and school
[00:09:43] Kat Polsinelli on the catalyst that got her out of an abusive relationship
[00:12:10] Kat Polsinelli on not having a support network
[00:15:14] Kat Polsinelli on her two sons
[00:18:22] Kat Polsinelli on recovering from trauma
[00:22:42] Kat Polsinelli on her journey to becoming a coach, speaker and podcaster
[00:27:08] Kat Polsinelli on the name of her company — The Lotus Effect
[00:29:33] Kat Polsinelli on how she works with her clients
[00:32:25] Kat Polsinelli on the first steps to making a transformation
[00:35:01] Kat Polsinelli on her definition of success
[00:36:07] Kat Polsinelli on the common issues many of her clients struggle with
[00:37:36] Kat Polsinelli on success stories with her clients
[00:39:57] Kat Polsinelli on her personal habits that have helped her become successful
[00:44:04] Kat Polsinelli on her podcast Real Chat with Kat
[00:45:20] Kat Polsinelli on her top tips to help people ignite their entrepreneurial spirit
[00:46:36] Kat Polsinelli on the question that we're not asking her
[00:50:16] Kat Polsinelli on what she would tell her 16 year old self
[00:51:00] Kat Polsinelli on the mantra that he lives by
[00:51:58] Kat Polsinelli on the most rewarding part of her career
[00:52:39] Kat Polsinelli on her dream for yourself and her dream for women
FULL TRASNCRIPT
Passionistas: Hi, we're sisters, Amy and Nancy Harrington, the founders of The Passionistas Project. We've created an inclusive sisterhood where passion driven women come to get support, find their purpose, and feel empowered to transform their lives and change the world. On every episode, we discuss the unique ways in which each woman is following her passions, talk about how she defines success, and explore her path to breaking down the barriers that women too often face.
Today, we're talking with Kat Polsinelli, a beacon of transformation in our scarcity laden society, who is on a mission to teach others how to embrace the mantra that everything happens for you, not to you. As the visionary behind The Lotus Effect, Kat passionately guides individuals to glean wisdom from their past, transforming it into a compass for a radiant future.
Fueled by a personal journey through trauma and abuse, Kat shifted her narrative from victimhood to empowerment. Kat As a resilient coach, speaker, and author, she candidly shares her tumultuous path from teen pregnancy to a decade in an abusive relationship to inspire others to rewrite their stories. If you're joining us live here today, feel free to drop a comment or question in the chat for Kat, and we'll do our best to get them answered.
Now, please welcome Kat Palsinelli. We're so happy to have you here.
Kat: Yay. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. I just love you guys. I love your energy. So, , I've been waiting for this.
Passionistas: Excellent. We feel this about you, right? Back at you. Um, Kat, what are you most passionate about?
Kat: Oh, well, , uh, there are so many things.
I think the biggest thing though, that encompasses what I, what I am most passionate about is sharing with others. The simpler way of doing things, whether that is something within your business, whether that is shifting the direction in your business, how you communicate with people, we tend to complicate so many things and we also judge ourselves for the things that we've been through.
And so that is a huge passion of mine is disrupting Those beliefs and really just helping people understand that it's a lot easier than what you think and we can take everything that we've been through and turn it into anything that we want.
Passionistas: So how did that become your passion?
Kat: I feel like, I feel like I knew it was my passion, but the same time I didn't. That makes sense to anybody. Um, I will say that over the years, even when I was in corporate, I was in the medical field and, um, and all of that, I've always had a passion for helping others. Always, I've always wanted to help other people feel better, be better, you know, be their cheerleader, be their person in their corner.
Like, that's always been who I am at my core when it comes to being around other people. And when I got out of my abusive relationship and then things kind of started tumbling, um, in the right direction, not what I thought in the beginning, uh, but it really allowed me to just kind of see, like, every time that I did something, whether it was in a different business or in my entrepreneurial journey.
I kept coming back to, I love helping other people feel good about themselves. I love teaching them how we can take things down and take out the overwhelm. Like it just became so natural and apparent to me. It was like, well, then why don't we just do more of this? Because then I could work for 18 hours a day if I wanted to.
And I would never run out of energy.
Passionistas: Totally get that. So, so let's take a step back. Is that? Did you always have that passion? Is, is that something you had as a kid? This, this, this, uh, enjoyment of helping other people? And what, so tell us a little bit about what your childhood was like.
Kat: Yeah, sure. So I would definitely say that I don't know if back then, especially as a child, I would categorize it as a passion, but I was definitely always the person to like stand up for other people.
Like I was always the person that was ready to be on somebody else's behalf, to step in the pathway to, you know, if they couldn't or felt like they couldn't, I'd be the one to stand up and speak out for them like that. That's always been me. So that is me at my core. Um, as far as my childhood, I'm the oldest of three girls.
So, um, I'm the only old one, but, um, I had a really great upbringing. Um, my parents are actually still together 40 something years later. And, um, we, you know, we were always pushed to do more and to do better. And I was huge into. Baseball and softball, I did it for like 15 years. I love to sing, so I was in choir and all kinds of things from church to school.
Um, I did specialty pieces. I did a solo at Epcot. Like, I was always the, What can I challenge myself with and how can I figure out how to get through the maze kind of a person. That's always been who I was. And I was like that through my entire childhood. Um, even when I got pregnant at 16, which was a complete and utter, like, blow to my family and everybody else, because, one, we were raised Roman Catholic.
That was a no no. And two, that was nothing that was ever seen for me, because of the way that I was ambitious and outgoing. I got a boyfriend like every other girl, because I felt left out. But I completely flipped that one on its head as well, right? So, I took it as, A moment of, okay, well, I did this. How can we make it better?
Um, I found a school, an alternative school that I could take my son with me that I paid child care for. It was like a dollar a day, um, back like 20 years ago. We're not going to go that far back. Um, but I was able to bring him with me. So I left my softball career. I left my choir career and I went to an alternative school the next year.
I just had my son during the summer. So he started daycare when he was. I was seven weeks old and I breastfed for the first year. I graduated my junior year and I graduated with honors, um, second in my class and president of student council. So I was determined to change the trajectory of, okay, well I know that this happened and I've seen other girls get pregnant very young, but I'll be darned if I'm going to allow myself to fall into that trap.
Like, how can I make the situation better? So. Yeah, you can see, like, every time a challenge arises, I'm usually the one to be like, all right, what can we do differently? How can we strive for something different? How can we change the situation?
Passionistas: Yeah, that's incredible. I think that that's, uh, the attitude that you had is one that you don't hear all the time people talk about.
Um, so it's, it's, it's great to kind of get that out there. Um, so You went to that alternative school, you know, the following year you graduated early and then you did go to college and studied in college, right? So what was that experience like as a, as a young mom juggling college and, and, uh.
Kat: So I did what everybody told me to do, right? Was you graduate high school, you go to college, you get a degree and you go work in that field. So that's what I did. Um, because I had my, my son, I. I opted for a daycare center so that, again, I could take him with me. So I worked full time during the day and then I went to school in the evenings. And, um, so that was a lot to kind of juggle.
Um, on the nights that I wasn't in school, I did babysitting. I did a lot of babysitting and other jobs on the weekends that, again, I could try to find things that I could take my son with me so that I could, you know, be able to pay for things and do stuff like that. At that point in time, my Son's father actually kind of disappeared.
He went his way, we graduated, he was doing his own thing, and so it just became me. Um, and it was a little bit of a struggle. For the simple fact that at that point in time, my parents were still very much what I consider old school, right? So it was, you did it this way, you're supposed to do it this way and you move forward.
However, I was also kind of like, yeah, but I'm super proud of myself and like, I'm kind of kicking butt. And so I should be able to kind of do what I want kind of a thing. And that just kind of like completely clashed. So at the age of 18, I actually left. And, um, after moving out, I lived with a friend for a little while, um, I met another boy and he was the opposite of everything I had been around.
So he was very rebellious. He did whatever he wanted. He told his parents what to do. And I was like, Oh, this is amazing. You can do this. Um, so, you know, being 18 and being mom, like you're still 18, right? Like you still haven't figured things out. And so I. Fell into that relationship. I had my 2nd son when I was 19, and that was the relationship that took 10 years of my life.
So, I actually did not finish college while I was in that relationship. It became very apparent that that wasn't allowed. And even when I tried to get back into college online, My computer was smashed during an argument that we had, so I ended up having to actually step out of it again. So, I actually didn't finish my degree until I was almost 30.
I just recently actually posted about that because my degree happened to pop up that I had received it 8 years ago, and I was like, wow!
Passionistas: That's so great. So, what was the catalyst that finally got you out of that relationship?
Kat: There were a couple of key indicators. I will say this, that, um, a lot of people be like, well, if you were ambitious and outgoing and didn't let people tell you what to do, then why did you even get into it? There's so many psychology pieces behind that, um, from people pleasing to not wanting to let someone else down, because I'd already let my family down, to making sure that things worked out, because I had actually not been around a lot of people that were divorced.
My parents were together. A lot of my family, my kids, you Friends, my friends, they were still together. So I didn't really see a lot of that. I just figured people worked it out, right? So there's a lot of pieces that kind of kept me in that space, um, and probably because I'm hard headed and I thought I could just make it work.
Um, but What I want to make very apparent as I answer this question is when I say the word abuse, I don't mean physical. There was some physicalities. That's, that's just a thing. However, there weren't a lot of bruises that were ever left on me that were visible. He was very smart. His father is a police officer, so he knew what to do and not to do.
But mine was a lot more psychological, um, but. As far as the catalyst, though, um, I remember very vividly, and I could not tell you what the argument was, but I remember standing in the living room and my ex was kind of standing in this little hallway that we had. And I remember we were just arguing back and forth on something, and my boys, um, Came out of their room, and they were probably, I don't know, like, 8 and 5 at the time, and they came out of the room in the middle of the argument.
And I was like, look, just go back to your room. Like, don't worry about it. We're fine. And I remember my boys standing beside him and saying, yeah, mom. Like, why are you starting this? This is your fault. You're the one that did this. And that, over everything that my ex had ever said to me, is what smacked me so hard in the face that I realized, oh my god, I can't let my kids grow up to be like this.
I'm not the bad guy. And that began my two years of searching and kind of finding myself and figuring out how I could create a plan. What was I going to do? How could I start lessening the blows that he was putting on me? And then that way I could figure out how I was going to get out of that. But it took me two years.
Passionistas: And did you have, did you build a support network around yourself to, to during that time, like how did you transition?
Kat: I was. I was actually completely isolated. I lost contact with my family for almost four and a half years. Um, I was the only one that worked, but I was driven to work and I was driven from work every single day.
I was not allowed to have a cell phone. I did not own my own car. Um, so there was a lot of control that came with that. I wish I could say I was able to, like, really build up support, um, but it was a struggle. Um, toward the end of it, I actually, that's when I started working in the medical field. I had a really great job, and I knew I could support myself.
That's when I started getting back in touch with my family and kind of letting them know what I was thinking. And that's when they kind of, the realization set in that I was in a situation that they didn't realize had been happening. Um, and, but knowing that my job knew what was going on. No one in my family before that really knew what was going on.
It was very closed off. The only person I can say that knew about it was his mother, who I used to cry to all the time, who inevitably handed me a book that said, this is how you become a better wife. You should read this. So, yeah, so, yeah, so there wasn't a ton of support, but my kids were a huge driver for me that, like, something had to be different.
And even if that meant that I had to go through crap, if it meant that it was going to be better for them, I was totally willing to do it. Um, and what's really funny is, you know, that you speak about having the support system. I am actually not the one who ended up making the decision for me to leave.
And I love to share this to a lot of people, because I worked a full time medical job. I worked in a chiropractic office and I dealt with a lot of patients that came in and out. We had this one patient that, um, I really liked. We were really good friends. He was a younger gentleman, um, but he was getting his law degree.
And so we would just kind of chit chat and I would kind of Sneaking a couple of questions. Um, but he had no clue. Well, we had had a huge, um, my ex and I had had a huge blowout argument and everything one morning. And, um, it was the first time I ever had immediate bruises. My lip was a little busted and starting to swell.
And I remember coming to work and I ran to the bathroom, kind of splashed my face, right? Get yourself together, leave the problems at home, work time. And I remember talking to this patient who. Oddly enough, he'd actually come in in the morning when he was always an evening patient and he was sitting in the therapy room and I was doing therapy and I just kind of started asking questions.
I could not tell you what I told this man. But what I can tell you is, he looks at me and he says, you have two choices. Either you call the police. I call the police for you, because I work in the domestic violence center. So, ooh, that one always gets me. Wow. But that was the reason that I actually made the call, was because of him.
And that's kind of what put everything in motion was that, that day. And that incident.
Passionistas: The angels, the angels that show up up right when we need them, Incredible. So if my math is right your two boys are young men now.
Kat: They are. They are now 19 and 16.
Passionistas: Have they grown up to To be the men you want them to be?
Kat: They really have. I have been very blessed, and I will say that the change that I was hoping to see in my children, actually happened because I made a change within myself.
My oldest one and I specifically, we went through a really, really heavy time, especially in his teenage years, uh, because I had kind of shoved all of my trauma into a box for several years. And, um, again, that catalyst, right, of seeing that things were kind of being the same, that we were arguing back and forth and all of that is when I really was like, okay, well, something else has got to change.
Like, I'm seeing patterns. And, um, So it was when I started working on my healing and actually started being more open to my kids and not pretending to be the perfect parent. That's when I saw this huge shift in how my kids did things, how my kids spoke to people, how my kids addressed me, how they started to open up about things and having boys.
That's a whole nother, that's a whole nother thing, right? Girls are taught you can cry and stuff like that. I wasn't. I was taught to suck it up and be tough. But boys generally, right, they are raised to like, wipe it off, you're fine. And I had raised them that way for so many years. And so it was so important to me, especially over the last five years, to like, really change that societal norm and teach them that like, it's okay to break down, it's okay to have crappy days, it's okay to tell me, I can't talk to you, I'm gonna lose my crap.
Like, it's okay for that. And it's been a beautiful journey to see these two young men. Not only use what I've given them, but they're mirroring the things that I have healed from. I'm seeing it in them as well. And I think that that is something that we forget as parents, especially, is you can tell your children what to do.
You can tell them what not to do all day long. But they are going to do what they see. And we have to remember that.
Passionistas: Absolutely. Well, that's a real testament to you too in the work you've done on yourself. They have that to, to model themselves after. Um, what were some of the Manifestations of the trauma that you went through in terms of, um, you know, physically and just emotionally, and how did you start to work through those? I know it's always, we all are always working on these issues, right? But how did you start that journey?
Kat: Oh my goodness. Okay. Well, first off, there's a lot. So let's start with, um, let's start with some of the big ones that we, we tend to see people talk about a lot. Um, One of them is self-confidence, and another one is people pleasing, which means you have no boundaries.
Okay, those are, those are big ones. Self-confidence, especially for someone that is in a situation where someone is constantly telling you you're wrong, constantly telling you a liar and constantly shifting your perspective to make you think that you are the reason for everything is extremely, extremely important.
Hard to deal with. I will be completely honest and say, I didn't focus on that for probably the first 4 years. It wasn't until I actually started having heart issues to the point to where I actually had to go see a heart specialist that I realized something else was going on. That's when I was then diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety.
And I was told that basically I've been brainwashed. I was like, great. I've been labeled. This is awesome. Um, so for some people, therapy works. For me, it kind of ticked me off, but it also was the catalyst for me to be like, well, I don't want to do this. I don't want to be like this. So what can we do to make a change?
And so it really started with me and understanding where I wanted to go in that journey. Right? And one of them was realizing that I didn't have to say yes. To every single thing. And so I started very small, very simple and something that I teach to my clients as well. I didn't just walk in one day and be like, Nope, not going to do that.
Um, but I found these little avenues that would allow me to not give a no, but not say yes. But that just kind of didn't overdo my system, right? So, for example, um, if my doctor that I worked for was like, hey, we've got to get this done, um, can you get it done before the end of the day? I got two hours. Um, you know, I would love to.
I've actually already got this on my plate that you already promised that needed to be done, but I can't get it done first thing in the morning. Is that okay? Right. So simple things like that. Um, if people asked me out, I was like, you know, I absolutely love that. Thank you so much for inviting me. I just don't have the space.
I've actually got something else on my calendar. Nobody needs to know what's on your calendar. I don't care if your calendar is, you need to take a bubble bath for yourself. Nobody needs to know. I got something on my calendar. But it was interesting how a subtle shift in that Built the confidence up to start saying, yeah, you know what?
I'm not interested. Like, it really, it really did. And I tell everybody, it's like, you have to start very small to build up to where you want to be, right? Same thing with boundaries. It's not like you walk in one day and you go, oh, that's it. I'm not doing this anymore. You can't do this and you can't do that.
Like, it doesn't work that way. I'm sure that there are some people that do that. But for most of us, especially those that have traumas and triggers behind us, that is, that doesn't work. It doesn't. It shuts your system down. You go into complete freeze mode and then you can't even say anything. And people are like, are you okay?
And you're like, So again, starting small, right? I used to work so much over time at my job that I did not get paid for it. So I just started kind of backing up a little bit, right? I was coming in at like 7 o'clock in the morning and trying to get all this extra work done. And I was like, why? So I stopped.
I went instead to get coffee in the morning, I would sit in my car and listen to music for 20 minutes, and then I'd go in, right? Just little subtle things, but it builds up so much confidence in yourself that it makes it so much easier to step in and say, Okay, this is a boundary of mine, and this is what I'm willing to do, and this is what I'm willing not to do.
And what's interesting is, doing that actually cost me my job. I lost my job. I was fired, um, for standing up against something I did not agree with. Um, that was a last minute change. And that's what flipped me into real estate, which was my first entrepreneurial journey. And, um, while it scared the living crap out of me, it was also the best thing that ever happened because I realized I could start helping people the way I wanted to, and I could start living by my rules, and I didn't have to worry about somebody else telling me what to do, and I wasn't building their business.
Passionistas: So then how did that transform into what you're doing now? What was your journey to sharing your personal story with people as a coach and a speaker and a podcaster?
Kat: Yeah, so I thought real estate was going to be like the thing, right? I was like, oh, I can help all these people. What's actually funny is When I got into that space, like, I loved helping people find their homes, but I kept finding myself helping other people that were getting into the real estate world.
I was like, hey, I figured this out and it didn't take me as long. You should try this. Like, it'd be super helpful. From there, I was actually offered a position to work with the, one of the largest brokerages in the world. On their corporate side. So I was a real estate agent, and then I actually moved into the brokerage side, um, and I did all of their onboarding and their tech training.
We had 250 agents at the time in that office, and I fell in love with it. And what I realized was, okay, if I look at this list and I go, okay, what do I enjoy doing? And what do I not enjoy doing? How can I keep moving more toward what I am enjoying? And it just kind of became a natural progression. And what's really funny is I actually kind of started a side business, more consulting for real estate agents.
And my husband was like, I want you to start your own business. And I was like, whoa, wait a minute. What does that mean? We don't do that. I'm a real estate agent. And, um, I, I have somebody that watches me and he's like, no, you're, you're an independent contractor like you did. I was like, no, no, no, no. Um, but so I took the leap.
I started out in there, and I thought, okay, well, if I want to do this, I want to expand. And if I want to expand, I want to help people all over the United States and possibly all over the world. And so I just started kind of dipping my toes into different things. I started getting into some networking groups just to kind of meet people.
And as I did, I started realizing like, oh, my gosh. All of these skills that I learned in the medical field, all the customer service, all of the training, all these things I've been doing for like 15 plus years, I can help so many people. And like that in itself just lit me up. So I started expanding outside of real estate agents and I started dipping my toes into helping other entrepreneurs.
And then someone brought up about a podcast and they're like, Hey, you know what? A podcast is actually a really great way for you to get your voice out there. And It's an easy way for you to get clients. And I was like, Ooh. I'm done with easy. Totally down. FYI, everybody, anybody that tells you anything is just completely easy and it's going to get you tons of clients, it's a freaking lie, okay?
It's hard work. I'm just saying. But, what it did was, it gave me a platform to really push myself out there and just see what happened. And I knew immediately when I started the podcast that I wanted to focus on On support, too many people out there, whether they're in their own journey, whether they're in corporate, entrepreneur, mom's space, whatever is hiding away and fighting this own internal silent battle and beating themselves up over it, because they think no one has ever been through it.
And I knew that I wanted to do that with the podcast was really bring those deep conversations to light so that whomever was listening could be like, Oh my gosh, I've been through the same thing. Oh my gosh, I just had that thought the other day. I wanted people to understand that they weren't alone. I feel like we have been taught to be alone, especially since COVID.
And I wanted people to understand that that is not it. And then as far as sharing my journey, because you asked about that, it just kind of naturally came out. I started talking about what I did. I started talking about where I'd come from. And then the more that I shared my story about the abuse and the things that I went through, and I started breaking down the psychological side of it, the more that people were like, Oh my gosh.
I've actually been through the same thing. I would never have thought about it that way. I've actually been dealing with this for 20 years. I never thought that it was actually related to this. And that's when I realized, like, I'm stepping back into what I was when I was a kid. I am the disruptor. I am the person that stands up for others who don't have a voice.
I am that person. That's why I went through that. I get to teach others now, and I get to show them the full, it does not have to be this way, and it's time for us to figure something different out. And so it was kind of like this full circle moment of realizing that, like, who I was at my core as a kid really is who I am today.
Passionistas: You're amazing. You are. I just like, I just really, um, admire you. Not, not because you overcame a difficult time, um, but just because you just are a very special person. I don't know how to put it. Into words beyond that. Thank you. You're a powerhouse. So the name of your company is The Lotus Effect. So tell us the inspiration for that name.
Kat: The Lotus Effect. Um, so interestingly enough, uh, when I got out of my abusive relationship, One of the first things that I did was I decided to change what everybody was telling me, which was, Oh, you're just writing a new chapter. I was like, no, I'm not. We're closing this book. That book's going down. We write a whole nother book.
We started all over. And from there, I realized that like, I needed something that I could know that I see it. It's a gentle reminder to me that like, it's going to be okay. And the lotus flower kept coming up and kept coming up. And what I found out with the lotus flower was that it only grows. In the dirtiest of mud, only gross.
The crappiest mud, yet when it rises to the surface, it is completely untouched. There is no mud on it. There is no water. It is absolutely beautiful, and it has to do with what is actually called the Lotus Effect. You can actually look it up. It's a scientific term and it's built within the flower itself and the way that everything beads off of it, which keeps it from being dirty.
And that to me, described exactly what I had been through. And it also described to me that you could turn anything into something beautiful, regardless of what you've been through. So, at 30, I got my first tattoo, which was the lotus. It is on my back. And when I really started stepping into my space as a coach and really realizing how I could help people, That's when the Lotus Effect just popped, and I was like, why am I not using this?
Like, this is the journey that I take everyone on. I help them see through the mud, and I guide them so they can rise to the surface to blossom into whatever is uniquely them and completely untouched.
Passionistas: So, what can your clients expect when they work with you? What's the process like?
Kat: So, the process is, I would say it can be different from person to person, but the overall arching goal is meeting you where you're at and then helping you let go.
Of all the overwhelm and just start where you know you should start. Stop trying to fit in other people's boxes. Stop trying to make everything that everyone says is going to work in 30 days work for you. But let's take those things that you enjoy. Let's take the parts that you have learned and let's create something that is you.
Because ultimately in the business world, especially as entrepreneurs, we're selling ourselves. We're not, we're, yes, we have a beautiful product, right? But we're ultimately selling ourselves. Why not make the connection between your business and who you are so that the people that relate at a very heart centered core are the ones that come to you naturally?
How can we simplify down what you are doing regardless of where you're at in your business, if you're new or if you're seasoned and been in it for 5 10 years? And how can we just take your puzzle apart, and let's put it back together in a completely different format that looks ten times better. And you actually align with it, so you feel better about it.
So we do dive into systems. We do dive into time management. What are your daily habits? Um, what is leadership to you? How do you communicate? How can we work on boundaries? How can we work on habit building? And Where's that personal development and that mindset piece that needs to be brought into that?
So, for some of my clients, it's a little bit more business oriented. And for others, it's, it is more mindset because once we make that shift, then we can launch all of this, but those two play hand in hand.
Passionistas: We totally agree. I mean, that's why we, in the sisterhood, we like saw these other communities and they were all very business centric or they were all very personal growth centric.
And it's like, yeah, but how do you grow a business if you aren't working on yourself and how do you, you know, work on yourself? We have social impact part of it. How do you have. How do you become a better person if you're not also thinking about how you can have a bigger impact on other people? Um, and that could just be in your business or in your personal life.
But, you know, like, They're all, they all go together. Um, so what are, what is that first step that you feel like someone comes to you and they are looking to make a transformation, whether that is in business or personally, what are kind of the first few steps you tend to walk people through?
Kat: The first two steps is honestly, first off, just getting to know someone, right?
Because if you and I have a conversation, and I'm giving you feedback, and we are not meshing. Or we're not seeing eye to eye already, then I know that I need to send you to someone else who better aligns with your personality. I don't want to waste your time and I don't want to waste mine. And I don't believe that everybody is right for me and I don't believe I'm right for everybody and I'm okay with that.
So that's, that's the first step, right? Let's meet, let's have a conversation and then let's look at what you think you want to work on in your business. Then from there, I'm going to ask you a ton of questions. That is my favorite thing to do. I get to be the interrogator and I'm going to ask you all kinds of things so that I can actually get into your brain and understand what really needs to be worked on, right?
Because we always have those surface level beliefs. I just need this in my business and it would fix everything. I bet there's something else. We just haven't touched it. So we have to start there. So I allow them to give me what they believe the problems are and then I start diving into that. And then we kind of start breaking it apart.
Once we have broke that apart, then we start creating a priority list. Okay. What do you want to do first? Great. You want to do a membership? Awesome. What can we do to start getting that done? But before we start here, how does your other stuff look? Right. How is your time management? How are your habits?
Well, I'm not doing okay. Great. This isn't going to work. So I'm going to put that on the back burner for a second. We're going to start here. So it's really taking people all the way back. To the very beginning of their business, which a lot of us tend to skip because we think we're supposed to be in the systems and we're supposed to be selling and we're supposed to doing leads.
Yes, and if you are spending all of your time doing that, then when you get someone, everything else is a crap show. And then even if you do amazing and you start getting, Oh, I got 15 clients, great, now what are you going to do with them? Do you have systems? Do you have processes? Do you do the same thing for every single person?
Well, no, I, you know, did this, but I forgot to. Okay, well then we need to backtrack. Bye. We've got to start with the back end. We've got to start with your operations. And so that's, that's what I do with my clients. And then from there, I kind of let them choose as we're kind of moving forward. I guide them.
I ask questions to gain clarity, but ultimately it's their decision. So that we are building something that makes sense to them and they feel good about moving in that direction.
Passionistas: We love that you say that success isn't about strategies and tactics. So, what is success to you and how do you help your clients redefine it?
Kat: I think that success, in my opinion, is whatever makes you feel fulfilled and leads you to a path of freedom. And 10, 000 different things for other people, right?
Freedom for some can be completely money driven. But for other people, it could just be, I just enjoy doing this and I want to help other people. Great. You have to define your understanding of success and what that means for you. And then you build your business on that. And yes, strategies and tactics come from that.
So, you the road, but if you don't have a clear understanding of where you want to go and what success means to you, then you are building a business and a dream and a goal based off of something somebody else told you would work.
Passionistas: So what, what are the common issues that you find many of your clients are struggling with?
Kat: Time management is the biggest one. That is, that is a huge one. And, and working in the right things. In and on your business, that's, those are the two biggest things. And I think that those go hand in hand and that honestly ends up coming back to how do you work and what are your daily habits that you already do?
Um, so for a lot of people that are taught like, okay, I need to block my schedule. Great. Fantastic. But, if you are blocking your schedule like most people do, but you know that, like, this really sucks, this is hard for me, I'm not a morning person, I really prefer this, well, you just built a system for somebody else.
So, time management is really the biggest thing, and understanding who you are at your core. If we can build things that work how you naturally work, it is 10 times easier to move along. It's 10 times easier to keep that momentum. It's 10 times easier when you have hard days to be like, you know what? I got this.
I can do it. It's just another hour because you're in your space. So again, you're not basing it off what somebody told you because that's what the majority of people do. You're really looking inward to understand how you function.
Passionistas: That's amazing. Do you have, like, one or two success stories with your clients that kind of stand out?
Kat: I have a few success stories. Um, let's say, okay, we'll, we'll start with, um, I'll give you one. Um, we actually only did a few sessions, um, because all of my coaching is done in blocks. So nobody has to be stuck with me.
Uh, and her biggest thing was just time management. And so, what we actually did was we focused on her calendar. I completely broke it down. We created it based on how she kind of naturally flows, blocked out some stuff. I'm huge on color coordination, because a lot of people that I tend to deal with are visuals.
They're very visual learners. So, the way that I create things like that is through color coordination. It's great for them, um, but for her, essentially, that was the biggest thing, um, which she then, within three sessions of doing that, and just following a couple of things of homework, got four new clients off of that, which was so awesome, um, and we sat down, and I actually made her list out All of the platforms, programs, apps, everything that she feels like she needs to be using.
And we took a third of it out that she didn't need to combine stuff, to simplify it down, right? And she's newer in the business, so she doesn't have a ton of money to spend, but there are so many unique and simple ways to work with certain things. I have another client of mine who actually owns a marketing agency, and she went from doing everything on her own to To realizing that she was eventually going to have to bring someone in.
So we worked together to reset up some processes on the backend, create some SOPs, lay out some simplistic boards that was easy for her brain to be able to follow. She brought in an admin. She's already gained 10 hours a week back in her life. She's now hyper focused on the clients she wants to be and her businesses has the, her business has the ability to grow exponentially.
Um, and she was able to launch. Three, um, different types of DIYs for branding and logos and stuff that she thought she was going to have to offer for people to pay because she thought she was going to need it until we got her set up with an admin who is fantastic.
Passionistas: That's amazing. That's so great. So what are some of your personal habits that have helped you become successful and grow your business?
Kat: Ooohhh, love this. Um, Um, some of my favorite personal habits is I realized that I work in block chunks. I'm sure people are like, what the heck does that mean? So, for a lot of people, they can work for about an hour here, work for about an hour here, and so on and so forth. Because I'm in the back end of a lot of people's systems and doing a lot of things, um, I have realized that if I am hyper focused on their project and working on it, it's actually easier for me to block out like three hours and knock it out.
So, I can do what may take a general OBM or someone who's working on some stuff, it can take me almost half the time to be able to get it done, because I realize I can hyper focus. And one of the things that I do with that, to be able to hyper focus, is I listen to music. So, I am really big on, I was able to figure out that I constantly have things in my brain going.
Welcome to mom world. Um, or being a woman. But what I realized was, if I am trying to focus on something, I can hear everything else that's going in my house, even with the door closed. I love music. So I was like, okay, we're gonna try this out. Let's just put some music on. Let's just see what happens. So I play, um, one of my favorites.
It's called Lo Fi. I found it on YouTube. And there's no words to it because I'll sing to it and then completely get distracted. Um, but I put headphones on. It has to be headphones. I can't just listen to it in the room. It has to be headphones. And I turn the volume down real low. And what it does for me is it allows a certain part of my brain that is always waiting to hear things going on in my house to focus on that sound.
And then the rest of my brain can just nail things down. That is probably one of my favorite habits. Um, so that is a big one for me. And I will say my other favorite habit is giving myself space. And that was an extremely hard one for me to do in the very beginning. So if I have to do a couple of calls back to back and it's kind of intense, um, I make sure that I have a 30 minute window afterwards to step out of that space.
Um, I will step outside, I will light a candle, I will burn oils and just hyper focus on smells. Smells for me really help calm me down. Um, so that's one that I really enjoy doing actually before I hopped on this. I burned some palo santos and had it in my room for about five minutes so I could, you know, wipe everything else out, come in focused.
And I do that a lot, a lot. Even if it's five minutes, I will make space for that before I hop onto something else.
Passionistas: I love that. I love the music tip. I'm going to try that, because I know I'm like that, and Amy's really like that. Your head is a million miles an hour. Oh, I can hear, just the other day, my boyfriend said to me, you're very sensitive to sounds.
I was like, I, like, if there's a stereo on, and it's hissing three rooms away. I hear it and I'm like, what is that? So I think I need to try that. I think that's why I work with the TV on because I don't, I don't stop and watch it, but it's just a kind of a white noise that keeps me from getting distracted.
But I like the music idea. Yeah, I like the music idea. And I'm the same way. I can't have lyrics. I do that at night. My husband likes to listen to music when he falls asleep, but it has lyrics. And if it has lyrics, then I'm singing along and thinking about the lyrics. I'm not relaxing. So right. And then it gets stuck in my head and then I can't go to sleep because it's like in a loop.
Yep. So you mentioned your podcast earlier, Real Chat with Kat. So talk to us a little bit about what the mission of your podcast is and some of the guests you've had on.
Kat: Yes. Well, I'm honored to say you guys will be on it shortly. I'm super excited. Um, so the podcast itself is geared toward entrepreneurs.
Or anyone that is looking to gain support from other people that are in different areas in their journey and what they're going through. We share everything from business tips to journeys. I love to specifically focus on the failures and what you learn from those failures and where it. Shot you to from learning from that.
I really strive to focus on the talked about, but the not so talked about pieces that happens within business and our personal life. So that other people could understand that again, there is that support. There is someone else that's been through what you've been through and use that as a way to tell your brain that it's not just me.
They went through it too, which means other people have gone through it as well, and get rid of that limiting belief that's holding you back from what you want to do. So, that is the main focus of my podcast is to have this beautiful, open ended, deep conversation with entrepreneurs from all over the world to see what it is that they've gone through, where they're at now, and where the journey is taking them.
Passionistas: That's a beautiful mission. Um, so what are some of your top tips to help people ignite their entrepreneurial spirit and empower them to conquer new horizons? I love that language that you use.
Kat: Thank you. I would say the, the biggest tip I can give people for igniting that entrepreneurial spirit is focus.
Be quiet, stop listening to the outside noise, and focus inward. We have so many things that tell us things from other people. If you've been through traumas, you have other people that have told you things from your childhood. You've had things that have been told to you that you just took in as a belief because it was on repeat for you, right?
Look at those beliefs and decide whether or not that they align with you. Or if they are holding you back. And from there, you can then discover what is truly yours, what is not, and that is what builds self-courage and self-confidence to propel you anywhere you want to go in your future.
Passionistas: That's beautiful. So what's the question that we're not asking you, that we should be asking you?
Kat: Oh, it's the question or not, I don't know, let me, hmm. I think that's a tough one in your life.
Passionistas: What are we not asking? We don't know all the questions.
Kat: I would say, the one question I would say that you could ask is, through all the things that you've been through, how on earth did you Maintain a positive outlook.
Passionistas: That is an excellent question. And what is your answer?
Kat: And to answer that question, it is, I wasn't always positive, but what I learned was, I didn't have to hate myself for feeling negative.
And I could understand that this is just a piece of it. It's just a couple of days. It's a couple of weeks, but where can I find the positive in the things that are around me so that I can help lift my spirit? Even by 2 percent so that I have the ability to face the next day.
Passionistas: And over time, did the positive thoughts overtake the negative thoughts in terms of the frequency?
Kat: Oh yes. Tremendously. I'm the one that my husband laughs at me now that like we go on walks and I'm like, Look at this cute little flower. And he's like, what am I, but it's so pretty. Like, whereas before, if you think about it, if you're walking on a path, you're like, oh, well, okay, the sky's cool. This is, but you miss a lot of things.
I have the ability now to really appreciate the small things. I look for them, and because I do, I look for them in my day to day as well. So, even when I do have really crappy days, like, um, a week and a half ago, I literally had a meltdown. I was like, that's it, I'm done, I can't, like, I'm so overwhelmed, there's so many things going on.
My husband had to leave town for work last minute, my kids were all over the place. I literally had, like, a meltdown moment. I was like, okay. We're done. I went to the bathroom, I turned the shower on, I sat in the bottom of it, I cried for 20 minutes, and I was like, oh my god, I feel so much better. That was worth it.
Okay, we're good now. We can move on. It just, the negative thoughts, they still come in, right? They still happen, but they don't stay. And the more that you can talk about them with people, the less power they have to hold you back. And that was something that I really used to push myself out of my trauma and the triggers I had been through, was relating those old beliefs and things back to my husband.
Just so I could not allow it to have power over me, because if it stays in your mind, it just builds and it builds and it builds. Get it out there, put it on paper, have a discussion with someone, write it down and then read it later and be like, what? This makes zero sense. Like you have to, but get it out.
Don't leave it inward.
Passionistas: Yeah. I never underestimate a good cry at the bottom of the shower with the water running for 20 minutes.
Kat: Yes.
Passionistas: I totally, I've, I've had one of those days really recently where it's just like, I'm speaking and I'm crying and I just need to be getting that out and I'll be through it and just keep talking to me.
Everything's fine. Um, so what would you go back and tell that 16 year old girl, um, about the way, like, what's a lesson you would want her to know that you've learned on your journey that might help her?
Kat: Ooh, that is such a deep question. Okay, what would I tell my 16 year old self? Um, if I could go back to my 16 year old self, and I could give her any type of advice, or the knowing that I have now, it would be that this is not the end, you are not broken, you have not screwed up, you just made a choice, and all choices have consequences, but it doesn't mean it's forever.
And you are going to be blown away when you see where you have gotten yourself to.
Passionistas: Beautiful. Do you have a mantra that you live by?
Kat: I think the biggest mantra that I go by is that life is happening for me and not to me. Right, so even when I have really hard times, um, for example, my, uh, my ex, my abuser is still in the picture, kind of.
He's starting to phase out, but seeing the way that he deals with my old, my youngest one and things like that, that's a, those are regular things that I have to deal with that I have to walk through, but I do understand now that, like, okay, there is a lesson in this. What, what can we learn from it? And right now that lesson is teaching my youngest one, how to regulate his emotions, how to handle his anxiety when these things come about and how to have boundaries to say no, even when it is apparent.
Passionistas: What's um, what's the most rewarding part of your career?
Kat: Seeing other people rise in their own confidence. When you hit that spot, and they're kind of like teeter tottering, like, I don't know if this is gonna work, and you're like, just try it out. Try it out for a week. Let's just see. And then they come back and go, Oh my God, what a difference that made. Like, that, to me, is the best thing in the world.
Because I got to allow them to borrow. My courage and my confidence, and then they got to take it and make it their own.
Passionistas: That's awesome. All right. And so then one last two part question. Two, not four, two. Um, which is, what's your dream for yourself and what's your dream for women?
Kat: Ooh. My dream for myself is To empower and impact more people than I ever thought possible and disrupt this system that we currently have, that we are not supposed to share things that we've been through, that we are supposed to be rooted in judgment and shame.
My dream for women, that we learn to stand in that power and have the ability to hold space for others that are working toward that journey, whether it is men or other women.
Passionistas: That's beautiful too. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. That's the theme for today. Um, well, we cannot thank you enough. so much for being here with us today. We only recently met you and you have been a complete joy in our lives. And we look forward to many, many decades of friendship with you and finding ways to collaborate and support you.
One last really important question, which is how can people find you and work with you and listen to your podcast?
Kat: Yes. Okay. So you can find me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram. All of them are at The Lotus Effect Coach. That's the easiest way. Um, you can check out my website, which is TheLotusEffect.com. And my, uh, podcast Real Chat with Kat is on all the banjo platforms.
Passionistas: Thank you so much for being here today, and we will talk to you very soon. Thank you, Kat. Have a great day. Thanks for listening, everybody.
Thanks for listening to The Passionistas Project. Since we're not only business partners, but best friends and real life sisters, we know how unique and truly special our situation is.
We know so many solopreneurs, activists, women seeking their purpose and more, who are out there doing it all on their own. They often tell us that they wish they had what we have. So we're creating a space for them and you to join our sisterhood where trust, acceptance, and support are the cornerstones of our community.
By joining, you become part of our family. We'll give you all of our CIS tips on building meaningful relationships through the power of sisterhood, and all the tools you need to thrive in three key areas. Business growth, personal development, and social impact. You'll learn from our panel of power passionistas who are experts on topics like transformational leadership, following your intuition, the power of voting, and so much more.
You can join us virtually and in person at storyteller events and meetups to connect with other members of the community. And you'll be able to participate in our online forums with other like-minded women and gender nonconforming, nonbinary people who share your values and goals. Be sure to visit ThePassionistasProject.com to sign up for your free membership to join our worldwide sisterhood of passion driven women who come to get support, find their purpose, and feel empowered to transform their lives and change the world. We'll be back next week with another Passionista who's defining success on her own terms and breaking down the barriers for herself and women everywhere.
Until then, stay passionate.
